Today was the final farewell to the hell-bus and its mighty demon-tamer, Brian the Bus Driver. After a 6 hour long round-trip bus ride to St. Andrews, for what was...well...a whole lot of nothing, we gave him a bottle of whiskey, an envelope of money, and sent him on his merry way. But not before he tried to shake my hand, and I said...with tears in my eyes..."Bring it on in here, big fella'"...and gave him my best bear hug send-off. The Dr.'s P laughed...a little...then looked at me as if I was already wearing a big white straight jacket, and had missed my 6 o'clock electro-shock therapy session. I am...as the great poet "Lil' Wayne" so eloquently put it...Misunderstood.
But my brain is running away with itself...(much like the dish with the spoon, you know?)...let's back track a bit...
A Long Time Ago, In a Galaxy Far, Far Away... (that was for you, Mom!)
Ok, restart... A Long time ago (at 9 a.m.), in a country far, far away from you fine people (Scotland), I was once again being herded onto the hell-bus for what was SUPPOSED to be a 3-hour tour. Just as Gilligan and his comrades were, I was in for a terrible surprise...After driving for a very long time in the very small hell-bus, we arrived in St. Andrews, expecting to be whisked away immediately to golfer's paradise, but instead were dropped off at St. Andrew's Cathedral and very very ruined castle. Did about an hour of graveyard wandering (which was actually the highlight of my day, bus trip-wise), ate lunch, then set off for...The Secret Bunker.
What is so secret about it, you ask? Well I will tell you. It was a top-secret bunker the cheeky little British militarians decided to hide in the middle of a cow field during the Cold War and continued to use into the 1990's. Just like Victoria's, though, the 'secret' is very much out, and it is now Scotlands "Biggest Tourist Attraction" (Holyrood Palace pales in comparison). Yes.The Secret Bunker was...cold...in the B.F.E. deserts of nowhere...filled with leftover department store mannequins straight out of the 80's (I did not know the British military wore red lipstick whilst preparing for a nuclear holocaust...but as Yoda would say...'there is much to learn
')...and harkens back to the "COME SEE THE WORLD'S GREATEST WORKING BUG RANCH," and "WORLD'S LARGEST ICE CREAM CONE" attractions of days gone by. It was... Magical. I really should not have been surprised. Dr. Petruso literally eats things like this for breakfast. He cannot get near a bus without visiting 'one of those' tourist sites. I simply cannot do this the justice it deserves. For Dr. P's 'last hurrah' hell-bus-trip-wise, please see the pictures.
')...and harkens back to the "COME SEE THE WORLD'S GREATEST WORKING BUG RANCH," and "WORLD'S LARGEST ICE CREAM CONE" attractions of days gone by. It was... Magical. I really should not have been surprised. Dr. Petruso literally eats things like this for breakfast. He cannot get near a bus without visiting 'one of those' tourist sites. I simply cannot do this the justice it deserves. For Dr. P's 'last hurrah' hell-bus-trip-wise, please see the pictures. Other Snippets:
1. I said I ate lunch, but I did not mention where. This is because I feel information of this caliber deserves its own special paragraph. I ate a baked potato and 'salad' (AND chocolate caramel shortbread bar...shhh....) at a charming little cafe on "BUTT WYND" street. I am not making this up. I wish I was that good.
2. Got lost while trying to find the vending machine in my PJ's (needed immediate salty chips to combat the Belgian-Fudge-Sugar-Coma I was slipping very quickly in to), and wandered into a corridor full of volleyball players. And I will tell you this for free...I have never felt more like I was 'among my own kind.' Like E.T. when his family came back for him. Minus the Reese's peanut butter candies, which would have been a nice touch.
3. With the prospect of 2 free days lurking around the corner, it seems the detainees have decided to loosen the reigns and let their hormones fly free! And my, have they ever. No less than 4 people of the 14 on this trip have...for lack of a better phrase..."Gotten Some" within the last 24 hours. Giggidy-giggidy...aaaalright.
4. My tattoo is still there. Very interesting scenario on the bus. The seat was doing 'rub-rub, scratch-scratch' on it, so I had to pull down my pants, roll up my shirt, and make a little "jacket tent" to sit in, so as to let it breathe freely. Definition of stealth. MacGyver would be proud of my skills in the improvisation department.
5. T-Minus 11 hours until GLASGOW NECROPOLIS TIME. I am overcome with sheer excitement. They will have to tear me away, after. The hand of God has come out of the clouds and touched Dr. P on the head, no doubt, so he has decided to make Saturday a FREE DAY. Bonus Points!
Day 15 Evidence: http://s672.photobucket.com/albums/vv82/amj7348/Scotland%20Day%2015/
Sleeping With a Copy of "Death by Design" Under the Pillows of my Little Hobbit Bed,
Ashley
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